Chapter 40
HEaling
Katsuki rested his head back against the wall, his legs spread wide as he sat in the too cold waiting room of the doctors office. His eyes were closed as he tried to calm his nerves, forcing himself to think of anything but what the Doc could say.
“You're quiet.” Uraraka hummed. She was seated beside him, focused on her phone as she nursed the biggest coffee the vending machine outside had to offer.
“And you're still annoying.” The blonde grumbled behind the paper mask on his face.
“I thought you would be happier. You know, since you are finally getting answers.” The brunettes continued, ignoring the grumpy reply. “You've been off the docket for weeks now.”
The blond sighed. “Ya, it's been shit. But it's not like I've been benched. I'm still working.”
Uraraka lifted a brow, silently prompting the other to continue.
“Been at the parent's, helping them out with a case.” Is all he says, but by the way the brunette full body turns to him- eyes wide in realization- it would seem he said something with significance.
“You're shitty me.” The brunette squealed. drawing eyes to them. She gives a shy smile as sorry before invading the blonde’s space. “You're actually on that case?”
“The fuck is your problem?!” Katsuki tries to scoot away but can't go far because the arm of the chair cages him in.
“Blind side is mine.”
Katsuki paused, his red eyes widened in disbelief at the phrase she used. It was a code 1A would use with one another to relay they were working on something adjacent to someone else’s case. In most instances it was a way to slip information back and forth without getting caught.
“The fuck? What side?” He asked, voice hushed as he leaned in closer to her.
“Under and dark.” Uraraka said, voice low. After another moment she added. “Alone and leading.”
The blonde nodded. “I wonder if Hitoshi knows?”
His boyfriend was back on their original case, but hadn't been able to relay much since he was still on light work. It took time to re-emerge into the underground. It was safer to do things slower so as to not draw too much attention.
“Maybe?” Uraraka huffed, falling back into her chair. She wouldn’t know since the only line of contact she has had for months now was with Sensei. “Has a nurse come by to visit your parents?”
Her question was aloof and dry but Katsuki nodded nonetheless. “Once a week.”
He watched as she chewed on her tongue, eyes focused on something far off. “We need to talk more, I barely see you.” She sighed, back to her dramatic game.
Katsuki huffed, catching the double meaning. “The game is tomorrow night. You should swing by, or we could hit the bar up.”
The brunette nodded just as a nurse called the blonde's name. “Ya, send the deets and I'll bring a snack.”
It was simple enough to get through the pre checkup portion of the visit; measuring weight, height, temperature and blood pressure before being led into another small room to wait for the doctor.
Thank god it didn't take the man long, a few seconds before a sharp knock and a quick greeting filled the room.
“Alright, Bakugo.” The doc settled onto a wheeled chair. “I've been over your results.”
“And?” Katsuki couldn't hold back the irritation in his voice.
The Doctor gave him a flat look before sighing. “The good news is we may be able to heal some of the current damage, but only to a certain point. That's the bad news, you will have permanent damage to your renita, cornea and pupil.”
The blond sag in his seat, shoulders falling in on themselves. “What point would that be?”
“Well, we can't know for sure. The eye is a delicate structure, our healing methods could also cause damage if we are not careful.”
Uraraka spoke, her voice confused. “How can healing cause damage?”
The Doc nodded, setting the file aside. “Majority of healing quirks use the bodies reserves to speed up the healing in one area. The issue in this case is the sudden increase of those reserves are dangerous in an area like the eye. Too much Selenium can lead to Cataracts, Calcium to Band Keratopathy, and Iron can cause Photoreceptor Loss.”
After a moment to allow the two to absorb the information, the Doctor continued. “Most healing quirks are best used within a certain timeframe after injury, unfortunately in your case, Bakugou, we are outside that window. All we can do is try and mitigate the lasting effects. I believe the best course of action is to try traditional methods to help regain function.”
The blonde looked up, eyes narrowing. “You mean pre quirk methods.” It wasn't a question but a statement.
The Doc nodded. “It isn't the end, Bakugo. Quirks have advanced science a great deal, so keep your hopes up.” The Doc turned back to the open file. “From your last exam we rated your vision capacity at 23%, I'm positive that we can get it higher within a few months.”
Katsuki hesitated. “How high?”
The Doc looked at him, taking note of the clouded pupil and slightly misshaped iris. “I'd be confident in saying 35% of capacity can be regained. Most of the damage was surface level. There was very little trauma made to the back of your eye. That leaves me to believe that we have a wide range we can jump.”
The blonde nodded, though his mouth stayed set in its deep grimace. The Doc cleared his throat.
“I will have the Ophthalmologist that you saw before oversee your recovery. We'll do full cranial workups throughout the recovery process to make certain no other issues arise.”
“And his blood work?” Uraraka asked, “What were those results?
The Doctor nodded, flipping to the next paper. “All screenings came back clear. No signs of infection or lingering quirk residue. I still recommend another workup if you start having any weird symptoms. From what I see, everything is good to go.”
The ride back was quiet; Uraraka not saying much as she sat on the train beside her friend. She didn't even linger long after walking the mile from the station to the Bakugou estate. She just gave Katsuki a tight hug and quick goodbye, promising to stop by for the game tomorrow.
The blond only grunted, relieved that the other didn't hang around. It was already a lot to keep himself from exploding after that appointment. All he wanted was to take the anxiety and anger building deep in his chest out on the sand bags in the gym.
The house was quiet as he entered, no doubt Hitoshi was sleeping in preparation for the night shift while his parents worked in their home office. He didn't know or care about the Midoriya parents' whereabouts, his only concern being his progress to the basement.
Yet, as he walked in the foyer, CAT was on his heels. The blasted creature wouldn't leave him alone no matter how many times he pushed the fir ball away. It continued to zig zag around his feet as the alpha tried to walk.
After a few paces Katsuki sighed loudly and looked down at the cat. His tail was high in the air as he rubbed his side along the alpha's shin.
“What do you want?” Katsuki asked, perplexed by the odd behavior. Why the damn thing would want his attention when it's been stuck to Izuku’s side for weeks was confusing him.
That thought had the blonde take pause, remembering the omega’s talk about his therapy session before he had left this morning. It had been a rough few hours before that, Toshi and him spending most of their morning comforting Izuku.
Katsuki decided that he might as well check in on his childhood friend, to make sure he wouldn't need anything before disappearing downstairs for a few hours to deal with his own issues.
“Is it bad if I find both of them attractive?”
The woman on the screen blinked before shaking her head. “No, that is a perfectly normal response to the close proximity you have to an alpha. It's not unreasonable to have that happen with two of them as well.” His psychiatrist answered.
“I knew that,” Izuku sighed, “but it's weird that I'm only feeling that way now and not earlier, right?” Izuku asked, fingers picking at his lower lip.
“What do you mean by that?”
Izuku looked at the woman before looking away, his shoulders drawn tight. “When I was with Overhaul, my omega was obsessed with him pretty much from the beginning. I knew that was normal from what my primary school taught about the secondary genders. So it was easy to rationalize the…”
Izuku paused again, cheeks blushing slightly as he looked at the screen. “T-the thoughts t-towards him.”
The woman nodded, her red bangs bouncing slightly as she wrote something down just outside of the camera's view.
“Can you tell me how that is different from now?” she asked. Her tone was neutral like any other time they talked about Overhaul, something the omega was grateful for.
“Like I said, my omega was obsessed with him, wanted to be his…” Izuku gulped, letting the sentence die. “But I didn't. I was able to keep myself in check easily.
That isn't what is happening now.” He tried to clarify.
Copper eyes focused on the omega through the screen. “So -if I am understanding- you were never physically attracted to your captor, only felt the attraction through your baser instincts?”
Izuku nodded again. “Overhaul was handsome, I suppose, but nothing I would find attractive.”
“And you stated he never sexually touched you or expected you to do things like that to him?”
Izuku shook his head. “He would say things, especially around his rut. But I think his germ issue was what kept him from doing anything. He only touched me to intimidate and hurt me, but he always had gloves on.”
“I see.” The woman took a breath as she set her pen down. “In many cases such as yours, survival instincts can cause polarizing emotions that can contradict each other. Let me ask you a question so I can understand what you know.”
Izuku sat up slightly. He liked these parts of their chats, when she would share tidbits of knowledge about the human psyche.
“Have you heard of the survival instincts of ‘Fight or Flight’?” She continued after Izuku nodded. “There are a few more that are less talked about but are just as important to understand when going through the processes of the brain. One I think you may relate to is ‘Placate’.”
Izuku gave a look of confusion, but didn't interrupt as the woman kept speaking.
“In cases such as yours where the option to ‘Fight’ your captor, ‘Flight or Flea’ the situation, and ‘Freeze’ to remain hidden, weren't optimal for not just your own survival but also someone else's; the brain will result in ‘Placate’. It’s basically the captive keeping the captor at ease to create as much of a stress free environment as possible to prevent escalations." The woman said, talking at a steady speed for the omega to follow.
“Placating your captor was the best way to keep you and Eri safe. Even if that meant living two completely different lives at the same time. By allowing your Omegan instincts to redirect a situation, it could have intrigued and procured emotional attachment with Overhaul's baser instincts that otherwise wouldn't have happened. This could have changed his viewpoint of you from lets say ‘a person for him to use’ to something more like ‘a person that needs protection’. It’s a brilliant way to appease his baser instincts while also showing yourself as more human.”
She cleared her throat, making sure Izuku still followed. “Placating also allows time for the captive to think critically and reevaluate themselves and the situation continuously. Time is valuable in hostage situations. Does that make any sense?”
Izuku nodded, his mind turning the information around in his head. “Ya. I felt like my omega’s attraction was reasonable, the entire time. Though it felt a fickle at times, like it didn't fit what was happening. I figured it was just my body trying to keep me safe. I'm glad that part of my thinking had some facts behind it, makes me feel a little better.”
The red head nodded. “Knowlege is powerful, but applying that knowledge in personal situations can go a long way in healing. Not everything we do is completely rational in normal circumstances, but you weren't in a normal circumstance while under Overhaul's hold. So ‘odd’ behaviors are more than likely completely reasonable.”
The psychiatrist allowed them to sit in silence for a moment so Izuku could dissect and process at his own speed.
The omega took a deep breath, eyes flicking up to the computer screen. “So that would explain why there are suddenly all these emotions I feel now and hadn’t before?” Izuku asked, not particularly to the woman but mostly to himself. “I'm not in a situation where my life isn't in immediate danger, so what I'm feeling could just be normal.”
“It's something to ponder on.” The woman said, mouth pulled into a gentle smile. “Being stuck for years in any kind of situation and suddenly removed can cause a lot of confusion. Even when a situation isn't bad; it can take time for our nervous systems to regulate. So don't put too much pressure on yourself to figure it all out now. Let your body feel what is happening as it comes and then let it pass, show yourself that some situations don't need to be analyzed so closely but can just be enjoyed. That is how life should be lived, enjoying the moments as they come.”
Izuku nodded again, his eyes blank as he got lost in thought.
The psychiatrist watched for a moment, looking over the omega with a happy smile. The man was almost a different person now than in their first session. His reserved and hesitant demeanor had transformed into one of outward thought and curiosity. Izuku’s physical appearance- though very much the same in many ways- was healthier and more lively. She was happy to see it.
“Alright, Izuku.” She spoke, keeping her voice soft so as not to jolt the omega from his thoughts. Those green eyes looked at her after a moment. “We have a few more minutes left today. Did you want to talk about the two alphas or reexamine your goals and see if we are on track?”
The omega hummed, his cheeks returning to the pink hue they had been a few minutes ago. “Is it okay that I like two alphas at the same time? Ummm. Like, more than like like them? Both of them? Can that be okay?” He whispered.
“Hmmm. I don't see why not.” She spoke, keeping her answer vague so the omega would have room to process. “Especially if they are kind and caring. Are you scared of these emotions themselves or that the emotions apply to both of them instead of just one?”
Izuku sighed, shoulders falling. “Both? I keep thinking about both of them… in ways that I probably shouldn't. Yesterday, there was a moment where I felt overwhelmed- but in a good way- with both of them at the same time. I couldn't control my thoughts and all I wanted was for them to do more. All they did was stand close to me, it was a little more physical touch but it was nothing that made me feel unsafe about. And I’ve been sleeping in their bed, like a sleep over. And this morning they cuddled me and scented while I was crying. It was so nice, but it also makes me feel fuzzy and my stomach has this weird drop feeling everytime I think about it, but it isn't a bad feeling at all. I kind of like the feeling. I like how I feel around them, but then I ruin it by just standing there or freaking out for no reason. I feel stupid, they are my friends and… guards- I don't know. What if they hate me for it? Or think I'm weird-”
“Izuku, have they acted differently toward you after these instances?”
He shook his head.
“Did you feel safe when they were near you?”
The omega nodded.
“Did they show any signs of discomfort?”
He shook his head.
“Then I suggest that you allow yourself to feel those emotions for what they are and breathe through them. If it still bothers you, then talk to them. Maybe they can help ease some of this anxiety. If that is too much to do right now, then we can discuss it further in our next session. How does that sound? ”
“Okay. I'll keep that in mind.”
“Great. From what I can tell, you are in a healthy situation to allow yourself to feel your emotions in the present tense. Can we practice that this week?”
“Ya. I'll let you know how it goes.”
“Perfect. Have a good week, Izuku.”
Izuku doesn't move immediately when the call ends. At first he is lost in thought, contemplating his session and what he can do.
That is until the computer screen turns black. He stares blankly at it, his fingers fiddling with one of the blankets that line the nest he is sitting in.
He can see his reflection, something he has tried to avoid as much as possible despite it being a continuous homework assignment from his therapist. It's something he is having a hard time working on, accepting what he looks like now; the deep scar on his chin that is still bright pink after three years, the deep indent in between his brow from furrowing the muscle too much, the thick skin that spreads across his right cheek from getting ‘road’ rash on that rock floor. Everywhere he looks there are scars and imperfections. His arms, legs, stomach and chest. Every part of his body is like that.
Izuku doesn't recognize himself, not that the reflection isn't him but rather that it's only a reminder of who he will forever be; scars, different textured skin and badly healed injuries. That is all anyone will ever see when they look at him. One glance and they will know that something bad happened to him.
He hates it, hates that he can never just be Izuku again. Hates his body, hates his brain and hates who he was forced to live with forever. Sure he has expressed these feelings, ones that had consumed him for so long. But now that he has voiced them to someone, they feel unimportant and not worth acknowledging if nothing will change.
Because why should it matter how everyone will think he is useless with a single glance?
With a sigh of acceptance he shuts the computer lid with a soft click, his body feeling heavy as he is consumed by that same nothingness that has been bubbling up to the surface so easily recently.
Izuku looks up when there is a knock on the door. He smiles when Nyan shoves his way into the room as the door slowly opens, a happy trill in way of a greeting. Blonde spikes peak around the door and Izuku has a hard time not noticing the swoop his stomach does when his gaze meets red eyes.
“I'm not interrupting?” The alpha asks in a low voice just in case.
Izuku shakes his head, “No, I just finished.”
Katsuki walks further in, though stays at the room's entrance. “How are you feeling? Anything you want to talk about.”
Izuku sighs to himself, his insides churning in embarrassment at the thought of speaking to the alpha about the feeling he has been having toward him and his boyfriend. “No, I think I'm fine for now… just tired of talking really.” Izuku admits.
The alpha nods, eyes shifting to Nyan as the cat jumps onto the bed and quickly avoids Izuku's outstretched hand in favor of sitting on the window sill.
“I was about to hit the sand bags, wanna join me?” Katsuki asks, a little hesitant. He didn't want to pressure the omega, especially after his appointment. He knew how depleting they could be.
But Izuku, ever the unpredictable, jumps out of his nest with a happy trill. “Yes, will you show me another one of your fighting sequences?”
The omega’s hair bounces lightly as Izuku runs into his bathroom, returning with a hair tie and already pushing his ever growing curls back to the nape of his neck.
Katsuki nods, holding the door open for the other to walk through. “Sure, but no fucking complaints when your muscles get sore. I'm not going easy on your ass.”
“You better not Kacchan, or I'll tell Toshi that he is a better teacher.” Izuku jests back, his smile large as he spins in a circle to walk backwards.
That brings the alpha up short, eyes wide as the omega laughs at him. “You better not.” He lightly snaps, no malice in his words. Katsuki reaches to grab hold of Izuku's shoulder, wanting to pull him into a neck hold so he could run his knuckles on the omega’s head, but just misses as zuku skips just out of reach with another laugh.
“Got to be quicker than that.” The omega giggles, enjoying himself far too much. “Toshi would be so disappointed.”
Katsuki gapes at that before springing forward, though Izuku has already begun to run away, taking the stairs three at a time in his haste. Loud laughter fills the house as the alpha chases him into the basement.
Word count: 3644
A lot of medical talk that I have no education in, though I did spend a solid hour learning about the eye and how body minerals can impact recovery 😆 Don’t take anything as actual fact or pertaining to real life situations as I have no medical knowledge.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy. Don’t forget to leave a comment with your thoughts.
